Wow – it’s been a while. Turns out the slog of work and trying to raise well adjusted, happy (if slightly over programmed) kids was pretty all encompassing and that was before the pandemic. The past year – it is hard to truly comprehend the loss, the change, the uncertainty as we all taught grade school, became reading specialists, coaches and camp counselors without our friends and family and support networks, all while trying to maintain full time jobs. It makes me choke up to think about what we have all collectively been through and yet, it seems like we might start to return to some new sense of normal and with that sigh of relief, it turns out I have things to say again.
I’ve been thinking a lot about players and coaches lately. My kids are in full swing in their sports seasons and my team at work has grown. This has been a fun and interesting challenge.
I have so often led the teams I’m on through pure hustle and muscle. I have been a work horse. Even in my collegiate crew boat – I sat in the 4 seat, in the middle, often called the engine room. The boat is the most stable in the middle and the 4 middle seats are there for power. The seats in the back require extra skill and finesse to keep the boat balanced and the seats in the front set the cadence and lead the boat. I sat in the middle – the "get-it-done" person. But, as my role at work changes, I'm starting to see that that may not be where I can make the biggest impact. It got me thinking about what it means to be a leader and a teammate both at work and at home.
Forever ago, we used to go to Celtics games. There was a crazy comeback game we got to go to when Paul Pierce and Antoine Walker were on the team. They were down by more than 20 going into the final quarter. And then Paul Pierce with his quiet confidence and Antoine Walker with his exuberance marched the team to a spectacular comeback. But what I remember was two different forces – the work horse of Pierce scoring 19 points of the 41 in the final quarter and Walker rallying the team - including Pierce. I remember us joking even as we watched the two approaches to leadership – Pierce with the “Get on my back – we’re doing this,” and Walker, “Get on his back – we’re doing this.” Turns out – both are incredibly impactful.
My AHA
But here’s my aha - I guess I always thought that the best way for me to lead, for me to contribute, for me to be a good teammate was the Paul Pierce – “Get on my back, we are doing this” approach. There is undoubtably a place for that. I’ve been an early hire into startups where departments were all single person functions and I’ve also joined much larger teams to build a necessary function from scratch. In those situations, the muscle and the hustle were critical. There is just no other way to start to get the giant flywheel turning other than applying tremendous effort. The challenge that I have so often run into is – that muscle, that hustle – it doesn’t scale. Turns out, that after a while, the way that I can make the most impact – drive the boat faster, truly lead, is to give up the stable seat in the middle.
And from those seats in the front, I can set the cadence, define the processes so that the middle can accelerate. I can also create the stability and avoid the distraction by taking the messy noisy projects that need more finesse than muscle. Contribute – yes, lead, definitely but perhaps my personal output is a bit lower because my job is to make the boat’s output higher and eventually get us another, bigger or different boat. My job is switch from a player to a coach and at different points in my career this change felt terrifying but this time – it feels okay.
And on the Mom Front
And as always – those same pieces seem to hit me on the mom front. I remember the drama of trading Garbage Pail Kids and charms. I remember the terribly painful fights between friends in the 4th grade. But these are not my trades and these are not my fights. I can only coach from the sidelines.
It’s hard – change is always hard. Watching your kids struggle is hard. Fighting the urge to “just do it myself” is hard. But, this is what my team (and my family) needs from me so - I’ll take my new role of cheering, supporting, blocking and tackling from a new point of view with my same passion.
