My kitchen was crowded today

My grandmothers were in my kitchen today. Both have been gone for a long time, but still both were in my kitchen today. My mother’s mother was not a particularly religious woman as near as I could tell but my grandfather was and she was supportive. And she had her staple dishes that marked every holiday – most notably knishes. My father’s mother loved to feed us. The amount of food that she could generate on about 4 minutes notice was truly unbelievable and she always had trays of sweets – coffee cake and rugalach.

And today while fasting for Yom Kippur, my kids and I cooked and baked all afternoon. An odd sequence while hungry but we had places to go tonight to break the fast and it passed the time. We baked an apple crisp from the remaining apples from apple picking a few weeks ago. My mother’s mother never let anything go to waste. She had all sorts of contortions for green tomatoes because they couldn’t go to waste and so – as I cut the bad sections off these aging apples to put them into the final apple crisp of our bag – there was my grandmother, in my kitchen.

My son asked out of the blue, if we could make rugalach. I’ve never made rugalach. I had always thought it was hard, but it was something my grandmothers had made. I was game and we tried to figure it out. And again, my 8 year old, reading The Joy of Cooking figured out how to apply the jam and rolled the pieces and we placed them on the tray. After break fast, I popped one in my mouth – and it is confirmed, my grandmother was in my kitchen today, whispering in my son’s ear, baking as good as always.

And we made a kugel. I asked my mother a few years ago for a kugel recipe and she first sent me a page of a cookbook. I clarified – I don’t want a kugel – I want your kugel. And so she sent me a photo of the recipe card. It has no directions – just ingredients and is stained with food. When I need to make it, I have to find the photo on my phone and remember the parts that aren’t listed on the card plus the adaptions my fans request – more raisins, a touch more sugar. My daughter stirred all the ingredients together and then my house filled with that smell as it baked.

Traditions are a funny thing. They often start almost by accident. I cooked today because frankly I didn’t have time before this afternoon. Actually, the same thing happened last year and the year before on Yom Kippur. So the kitchen in my house on Yom Kippur afternoon, is often a bustling place and I suspect that will often be the case. And it was so crowded today because those notions of what holidays mean, what connections mean come not just from the rules but from the smells, and the tastes and the experiences.

The past, the present and the future were all in my kitchen today and it was just delightful.

This I Can Do

Those emails asking for classroom volunteers or field trip chaperones come through at least once a week. Sometimes with an increasingly desperate tone and that pang of guilt hits as a I slide to delete. I wish that I wasn’t ducking it, but these kinds of asks are just too hard for a working mom with a 40-minute commute. And there are of course days that I can work from home or go in late, but I like to save those for the times when my kids are sharing their work (and they’ll be most disappointed if I miss). Feels a bit like working towards the passing grade.

 

And I take comfort that we live in a community where there is a balance of parents who can make mid-day commitments work and others like me who screech into the parking lot at 6:11 PM because the 4:47 PM train just doesn’t happen most days. And that my kids at 6:11 PM need to be coerced to go home because they are in the middle of activities and their friends are still there too.

And most days, I take comfort that it is okay and that we are doing great. And every once in a while, I get a chance to go for the extra credit, make a contribution that makes a difference and that is amazing.

I love to make my kids Halloween costumes. I like to sew but I mostly love the process of picking something out with them, and working on a project together and taking part pattern, part inspiration to get to something that they love. It is my happy-homemaker moment of the year. And because I tend to free style on the designs a bit, I always have lots of extra fabric, and buttons and ribbon. So when my daughter started talking about a little play she was doing in her school and how she needed a costume – that was an easy win. And then she and I got to talking about the rest of the little play and the other costumes and I thought, this I can do.

We got a list from the teacher of the costumes needed. Pulled every scrap from princesses, and minions, and superman capes down from the attic. Googled for inspiration and then she and I designed and built 3 more costumes. And because we were freestyling, she put each one on at each stage so we could figure out what to do next. And using every scrap from costumes gone by, one was closed with the infant leg closure snaps and another with Velcro. And she and I had so much fun and were so proud.

And I realized that this is what I have to give, different than the field trip volunteer with infinite patience and a schedule that works. Different than the library volunteer who knows where all the books are and the names of all the kids in the class. We are all working to make our kids lives full and rich and amazing and we have different skills.

And a good reminder. See, I tend to be an early member of start-ups. Joining as the all-around athlete to fill in the gaps and make things happen as we start to turn an idea into a business. When the wheels start to turn, the organization shifts. We start to hire specialists, with deeper skillsets. But in the highly technical projects that I had previously been involved in, the depth tended to come in the engineering organization, or by adding quality or applications.

I continue to learn just how different B2B and Consumer companies are. This transition was a bit different. The skillsets that needed depth and expertise were in brand and copy and media buys. And while I can fill in the gaps there, just like I can make an occasional volunteer shift, that is not where I can go deep.

But communities and families and companies are about balance. We don’t need whole set of the same skills. We need a balance of different skills. We don’t need 20 moms who can cover lunch duty. We need a few, and some for library and some for costumes. It take a village and in that village, sign me up for costumes!

Thanks for reading!