If I’m Not a Princess, Why Do I Need So Much Rescuing (and Is That a Bad Thing?)

I have never thought of myself as a princess. I like to joke that I’m the least jappy girl in America, (though the girl who also has wet hair and no makeup, but is willing to go camping may have me beat). In fact, I pride myself on being just the opposite. I have always:

1. Prided myself on being independent, so proud of doing it “myself.” (I wonder where my 5-year old gets that idea)
2. Always so proud and drawn to things that require strength, smarts and endurance (shocking that I’m a distance runner)
3.  Happy to roll up my sleeves and help get things done

And yet I’m surprised that all too often that “Sure I can do that too” attitude leaves me buried under more than I can handle and that in the least independent way possible, I have to be rescued either through coaching of my close friends or husband, who are used to this routine, or by co-workers who bring their shovels to help dig me out.

So, if I’m not a princess, why do I need so much rescuing (and is that a bad thing?)

Around the time that I graduated high school, my younger cousin was about 4 years old and her (also fiercely independent) mother/my aunt had bought her this book called “The Paperbag Princess.” My own mother loved this book so much that she gave it to many of my friends as high school graduation presents.

The jist of it was there was a princess and her prince gets into trouble so she sets out to rescue him. She cleverly saves the day but in the process she gets into it with a dragon and messes up her hair and her clothes. When she finally rescues her prince, she is in a paperbag and her snoody prince is not impressed. The princess then has second thoughts on her prince for his not-so-nice attitude and she goes on her merry way.

And there’s no sequel that I’m aware of. But what if there was? What if that awesome princess who fought the dragon and dumped the snoody prince got into trouble in the sequel and needed help to get onto her next adventure? Would she be any less cool? Would she be any less clever or any less strong? Absolutely not.

So maybe my independence, strength and smarts are not erased by the chapter where I need someone to toss me the rope to get out of the quick sand?

I went to a parent teacher conference this week. There’s a new methodology they are rolling out called the “growth mindset.” The deal is that we are not supposed to complement our kids on what they are but on the effort that they apply. So, instead of “Great job! You’re so smart” you are supposed to say “Great job! You must have worked really hard on this.” We are also supposed to encourage mistakes and help our kids learn from them.

I can work with that. I’m not screwing up. I’m growing. I think the catch here is that you have to do something different for that to work, though. So here’s what I’m going to try (nothing like public accountability), before quickly picking something up and running with it.

1.  Slow down. Not so slow that it is ineffective but just long enough to actually think about the problem at hand.
2. Short term mitigation, long term solution. Having worked with customers for most of my career, this is old hat when it comes to an aggravated customer but easy to forget when it comes to, well, myself.
3. Rightful owner. Who is the best person for this long term? At home and at work, I have a bad habit of picking up all sorts of tasks like I’m collecting them. I’ll try to be a better sharer

So maybe being rescued from time to time is not such a bad thing. Even Superman had to rescued. Han Solo and Princess Leya too.

Speaking of which, there’s a pretty awesome, tough lady that could use our help this week, so don’t forget to vote!

Thanks for reading!